The Asshole Rule is very simple.

There is always an asshole.

Not “sometimes.” Not “usually.” Not “under certain circumstances.”

There is always an asshole.

We have all seen people take advantage of a situation for their own personal gain or even merely for amusement at the expense of others. Often that gain will be petty.

Instead of taking one mint from the bowl they’ll take a handful.

Parked in the handicap spot. They’ll just be a minute.

The guy in the office who has the 32 ounce mug, empties the coffee pot and doesn’t make a fresh one. Oh, I didn’t know you wanted any.

Assholes believe you’re a dope. You are beneath them. An asshole will do just about anything to get what they think they deserve and at your expense.

Assholes are a fact of life

Any group of more than 20 people is almost certain to have at least one asshole. Even a single asshole is a problem because they will demand attention and resources. They will create discord and degrade cohesion within the group.

Assholes linger for as long as the group exists unless the group actively purges them. This is rare and to be cherished. You’ve found excellence when a workplace, institution, club, or community polices itself and removes assholes as soon as they are revealed.

Assholes are a world building and adventure design tool

The Asshole Rule is a helpful tool when creating antagonists for role-playing games. Put an asshole in the path of the player characters and sit back. They’ll push each other out of the way to get the first shot.

Who doesn’t want to wrap their fingers around the throat of an asshole?

Here is how I use the Asshole Rule when I’m designing adventures and NPCs for campaigns. I look at any form of power, a special ability, magic spell, item or piece of knowledge and ask myself how a giant douchebag would use it for purely selfish purposes.

What might an asshole do with the spell sleep?

The asshole knows the location of a big treasure but can’t kill the monster guarding it. What will he do?

If I can come up with a way the asshole NPC can steal, cheat, take advantage of, trick, humiliate, or abuse the player’s characters, that’s ideal. Players will retaliate against the NPC in spectacular fashion.

They will do entertaining things to get back at the NPC for being a dick. They might not even kill the villain outright. I’ve had players do messed up things like put a ring of regeneration on an NPC in their dungeon. They’d go down and cut something off every now and again.

There are assholes at every level of advancement

At low levels, I’ll create a wizard with a minor magic item or a spell that can’t be resisted by normal people. A lot of damage can be done with a sleep or charm person spell in a hamlet full of peasants.

At mid levels, an NPC with boots of flying might do something like drop a bag of horse shit on an adventuring party to humiliate them in a public place or just before an important meeting with the burgomaster.

Dictators, kings and emperors are first class assholes

Asshole rulers with big egos will tear down the statues of their predecessors, take credit for others achievements, lure in enemies with promises of reconciliation and then murder them.

History is a masterclass in how to be an elite asshole. I take a lot of inspiration for non-player characters from the bad behavior of historical kings and emperors.

If all your NPC rulers are benevolent, kind, and wise, you are missing out on a lot of fun.

When you are making NPC’s for your setting or adventure remember:

There is always an asshole.